Dan Lyons Records

Apathy and sadness

Work in progress... expect updates and edits.

At the root of my apathy and sadness was not a whole heck of a lot. Your mileage may vary, but this is what happened.
One day, when I was young, I was at this party... and I was watching people dance and listen to music, which was what I liked to do. I was just sitting there. Some girl walked up to me and asked "Why are you so sad?" and I started crying.
Before she asked that question, I wasn't sad, really, I was just fine. Now, what her problem was was that she misinterpreted my somewhat mopey looking lips as sadness, rather than just some dang lips, ya know?
So, often I hear this crap... I ain't sad, you're just saying that cuz of my dang lips or something. I ain't gunna plaster a smile on my face just to placate someone's whimsical assumptions from my demeanor!
One time, as a teenager, I was sitting around reading a book, and my step brother came up to me and told me some old friend of mine had died street racing his car. He said, "Well, people were saying you wouldn't care, ya know?"
So, I said, "uhm, ok, I don't care, I guess." Now, I guess I did care, because I thought about it a good lot. What was happening was that people were trying to pretend like I didn't, to suit their own arrogant assumptions.
This was how many americans acted over the past 30-40 years or something. Trying to guess each other's moods or cares without knowing... That's arrogance and conceit.
I think I dumped three different girlfriends (not at the same time, mind you), when they said, "I don't think you love me, based on X Y and Z."
I said, "No, I still love you."... they continued on this way... So, finally, I'd say, "ok, fine, have it your way, I don't love you, so let's break up, and good bye."
Had they believed me in that I still loved them, I wouldn't have dumped their asses. That's what I get for dating those "ivy league" type of girls... arrrrrrrrogance. As though they say, "If you don't do as I think you should, then you don't love me."
Wherefor about do three girls all say essentially the same thing? One, I swear, I told her, "Look, if you KEEP arguing with me from the standpoint that I don't love you, you'll convince me. Ok?"... Nonetheless, when I dumped her, she still threw a little fit and all that... was sittin in the shrink's office like a dolt for months afterwards.
Do they all read, "How to enslave your boyfriend for yuppity intellectual chicks" or something? "If you can't get your boyfriend to be your slave, tell him that if he doesn't do what you command, he doesn't love you."
I think of saying, "If you don't give me all your money, you don't love ME, beeeeeeeyotch!"
Actually, during the time of the execution of Tookie, I grew cold and apathetic... not because of the execution, but I felt like people were like FORCING me to watch it against my will (btw, I knew like nothing about it). I'm usually kind of light-hearted, comical, and humorous, REALLY.
Sometimes, my insomnia would drive me to apathy, though.